"All Chinese [Buddhists] are vegetarians, but most of them prefer to flavor their vegetables with beef, or pork, or duck, or chicken."
- Lin Yu Tang

(Contributed by Allan Adasiak)

"Don't just do something ... Sit there!"
- Marge's comment on meditation.

(Contributed by Marge)

"God is real unless declared integer".

(Contributed anonoymously)

Suezen: I was vegetarian for about 5 years. I was invited to my mother's house for thanksgiving dinner, and my mother was very upset that I would not eat the turkey which she had spent hours preparing for her family. In the end, I felt more compassion for my mother than for the turkey, and I ate the turkey.

(Contributed by Sue Franklin)

"Blessed is he who finds happiness in his own foolishness. For he will always be happy".

-- Chade Meng

I'd like to
Offer something
To help you
But in the Zen School
We don't have a single thing!

-- Zen Master Ikkyu

A Meal of Fresh Octopus

Lots of arms, just like Kannon the Goddess;
Sacrificed for me, garnished with citron, I revere it so!
The taste of the sea, just divine!
Sorry, Buddha, this is another precept I just cannot keep.

-- Zen Master Ikkyu

(Contributed to alt.zen by Ned Ludd)

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

-- Gotama Buddha

"Hell was OK, until some wise guy went to heaven and came back"

-- Buddhadasa Bhikkhu

As Buddhadasa Bhikkhu became more famous, busloads of visitors started visiting his monastery. Decrying many who went as if visiting an amusement park, he said,

"Sometimes, I think many of these people just stop here because they have to use the bathroom".

What is nirvana?

"Nothing happens next. This is it." said the old monk to the young one.

"Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before."

Disciple: Oh wise and all knowing one, show me the place of perfect peace.

Master: If I show it to you, it will know longer be peaceful.

(Contributed by Neil Woods)

"Meditation is not about doing something" -- Joko Beck

Things are not what they seem;
Nor are they otherwise.

-- Lankavatara Sutra

(Taken from a post in alt.zen)

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

-- Laurie Anderson

Here is something from Chevy Chase in the movie "Caddyshack:"

"The Zen philosopher Basho once wrote:
'A flute with no holes is not a flute,
And a doughnut with no hole is a Danish.'
He was a funny guy."

(Contributed by Mike Shu Ho Bonasso)

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

-- Albert Einstein

"Your personality is an often insurmountable speedbump on the path to Nirvana."

-- "Slug"

(Contributed by Slug13@aol.com)

"The only people who believe that samsara and nirvana are the same are those that haven't meditated enough"

- Ajahn Chah.

"Nothing leads me further from attachment than a week with the in-laws"

- David Loomis on his "first profound thought :) ".

This morning, I received one of those rude mails. The person wrote me this one-line mail:

And I replied: - Tan Chade Meng

As is stated in the colorectal sutra verse 118: The enlightenment experienced through meditation can be compared to the sphincter muscle. It is the only muscle in the body that works when relaxed, and the more relaxed the more ecstatic the experience. Jungle humor with a touch of truth, everybody.

- Kenneth J. Smith

Buddha's last words: "Decay is inherent in all compounded things. Strive unceasingly."

Buddha stated the second law of thermodynamics. His inherent understanding still amazes me.

- William A. Russell

The Buddha was not really a god.
In fact, he thought it quite odd
That we go all around
Worshipping mounds
More mindless than peas in a pod!

- Ethan A Mills

Birds it would seem are so intent on being birds that they have no time to speculate on their not being birds.

- William A. Russell

A short conversation between Dan Bammes and Meng:

Dan: A Buddhist teacher taught that every other living creature is our parent in one of our past lives.

Meng: Similarly, every other living creature owes me money in a past life.

Some people think that Buddhist practice and meditation are about stopping thoughts. As the saying goes, if that were true, a coconut would be enlightened..... Let's remember that upon attaining enlightenment the Buddha smiled. This is very important. He didn't have to smile. He could have grimaced or remained neutral, but he smiled..... After reading Milarepa 25 times I had the insight that Mila was in fact a comedian.

- Prof Robert Thurman, talking in Cleveland.

(Extracted from Dizzy's webpage at: http://apk.net/~dizzy/thurman.html)

If you see the Buddha on the road kill him, but please don't drink and drive.

- "Jazzbuddha@aol.com"

"Thank God I'm a Buddhist."

- Ivan

"Its amazing that the Buddha had such a grasp on the reality of suffering without ever having to go to the DMV."

- "Chienx2@aol.com"

"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around chinatown."

- Woody Allen.

"When I first started reading about Buddhism, I said this emptyness is really heavy!"

- Rev Ryunyo King

A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you." So I didn't.

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