Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.

(Contributed by Randy Jewett)

Q: What did a Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.

(Contributed by Kevin Allen)

Q: What is the name of the best Zen teacher?
A: M.T. Ness

(Contributed by Geichle)

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.

(Contributed by J Arkle)

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.

(Contributed by Graeme Dawes)

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tree falling in the forest.

(Contributed by Will Sandstead)

Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.

(Contributed by Toh Han Shih)

Q: What did one Zen practitioner give to another for his/her birthday?
A: Nothing.
Q: What did the birthday boy/girl respond in return?
A: You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the giver replied, "Thank you."

(Contributed by Zach Rosen)

Disciple: "Master, why did Bodhidharma come from the West?"
Master: "Ask that post over there."
Disciple: "I don't understand"
Master: "Neither do I."

(Contributed by Thomas Asche)

Q: How do I become a Lama?

A: Go to a monastic university and study for twenty-five years. Begin by memorizing Vasubandhu's Abhidharmakosha with its commentary (500 pages or so). Then study what you have memorised by hearing lectures on it and debating the contents with other candidates until you can argue every side of every controversy equally well. Then memorise several works of Nagarjuna, along with their commentaries. Then memorise the seven treatises of Dharmakirti. In additional to that study, you must master several forms of meditation and study tantric rituals for about two or three years.

Alternatively, you can come to America and just call yourself a lama. Billions of nubile virgins will follow you everywhere and give you money.

Q: How many wives does Buddhism allow?

A: You may have as many as your tolerance for misery can bear.

(Contributed by mubul@aol.com )

Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?
A:  Because Buddhists don't have any soul.

Q: What does a Buddhist wish someone on their birthday?
A: May you have many happy returns.

Note: these both appeared years ago on the Well

(Contributed by Yeshe Dorje)

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